Childish Pranks
by NeSiQuis
Summary: Zack manages to make Reno's bad day even worse.  Of course, the Turk wants revenge.  Sort of a continuation of 'Catastrophe'.  No pairings, rated T  because it's Reno, there's swearing.  Naturally. .  I do like messing with these guys. Please R&R!


Author's Notes: I seem to be stuck on a certain theme at the moment. I hope this one is as entertaining as the last. I'm supposed to be doing essays at the moment, so obviously I'm more inclined than ever to write fan fic. There may well be more to come soon…

000

Reno was having a bad day. He arrived at work (late, naturally) to find Tseng sitting in his office, leafing through all his unfinished paperwork and reports. He was then treated to a lecture concerning his unprofessional manner and behaviour. After which, his pay was docked. So he made his way to the Turks' Lounge for a cup of coffee to wake him up. No coffee. None in the cafeteria either. All the supplies had mysteriously disappeared overnight apparently, according to the white-faced cafeteria staff. On the way back to his office, he bumped into Cissnei, who gave him the details of his next mission: surveillance on a suspected AVALANCHE hideout – in Sector 7's sewage treatment facility, located in the slums. Tseng was still annoyed, then. Finally, when he decided to go out for a cigarette to relieve some of his pent-up stress, he opened the packet which he had bought just the day before and accidently left in the top drawer of his desk, only to find all his cigarettes replaced with candy sticks and a note from a certain SOLDIER, Second Class annoyance which read:

"As your friend, I feel that it's my duty to look out for you. I threw away all the cancer sticks. You'll thank me when you're 60 and don't have blackened lungs.

LOVE,

Zack

P.S. You drink too much coffee too. Do you know what that stuff does to you?

Xxx"

Reno clenched the note in his fist, grinding his teeth together. Damn kid. Well, this wouldn't go unanswered. The uneasy truce between SOLDIER and the Turks was tenuous at best, and Zack Fair seemed to love pushing it as far as he could.

Targeting Reno's cigarettes and coffee? Too far, Fair, too far.

000

Zack was in the training rooms as usual, practising doing squats when Angeal and Genesis walked in.

"Does your puppy actually know how to do anything except squats, Angeal?" Genesis asked his friend, exasperated.

Angeal chuckled. "You know, I'm not sure that he does."

"Hey, no fair! C'mon, Angeal, I do too know how to do other stuff!" Zack continued with his squats, regardless.

"Like that report from your last mission which was due over a week ago? If it's not done by the end of today then I'm not covering for you with Lazard anymore, Pup."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Sephiroth said, gliding into the room.

"As per usual." Genesis rolled his eyes at his friends' indulgence of Angeal's protégé.

"Aww, man! I'll go do it now." Zack stopped doing squats, and slumped in disappointment. "You don't have to cover for me Angeal, I don't wanna get you into trouble."

Angeal ruffled his hair. "Don't worry, Pup. Just have it done before this evening."

Zack brightened up immediately. "So can we spar for a bit instead? Or are you guys wanting to duel?"

"We're sparring. But you're welcome to stay and watch." The General offered in his calm voice.

"Yes, Puppy. Stay and see how real SOLDIERs fight." Genesis smirked.

Zack rolled his eyes and went to sit at the side of the room next to the door. The three First Classes began to warm up and Zack was interested to see how each one prepared for the duel. Genesis recited Loveless quietly to himself while swinging his sword in practice strokes. Angeal took the Buster Sword from his back, held it in front of him and rested his head against it briefly, as though praying. He then returned it to its customary place on his back and went and picked up a practice sword from the rack along one side. Sephiroth just waited patiently in the middle of the room for his friends to complete their rituals.

Just then, the door to the training room opened. The Firsts and Zack looked up to see who was entering, but no one was there. Instead, an orange-coloured materia rolled into the room and came to rest in the middle of the floor.

"What the-" Angeal started forward and then stopped, eyes wide. "It's active! Move-"

Before he could finish, the materia activated. A light filled the room and surrounded the Firsts and Zack, who had got up to see what was happening.

Reno whooped and strolled into the room.

"Yo, Fair, maybe now you'll think twice before-" The red-head stopped dead, eyes wide. In front of him, looking shocked and a bit frightened, were four children dressed in shrunken SOLDIER uniforms.

"Oh shit."

000

"OW! Seeeeph…stop it!" Genesis pulled away from the silver-haired boy seated with his back to the wall, who had taken to flicking things off the smaller child in boredom.

Sephiroth took aim again, and flicked another bottle top off Genesis' head. The small red-head burst into tears.

"Hey, don't cry, Gen." Angeal put his arm around his friend. "Please stop it, Seph."

The older boy shrugged. "Ok, whatever."

Genesis sniffed and wiped his face on his sleeve. As Angeal took his arm away the other boy gave him a quick, shy hug, not looking at him, and went to sit on the floor with his back to the wall, ignoring Sephiroth, who was staring at the ceiling. Genesis took Loveless out of his pocket, drew up his knees, rested the book on his legs and started reading it as best he could, one finger following the words as he mouthed them.

A small figure barrelled into Angeal as he stood glaring at the silver-haired boy.

"Ooof!" He staggered slightly, caught off balance.

"Ooopsie! Sorry!" A very small Zack Fair picked himself up from the floor where he had rebounded and went rushing off again.

Reno re-entered the room, arms full of yet more snacks. Sephiroth eyed them warily from his seated postion.

"I don't think we need any more snacks. Puppy's hyper enough as it is."

Reno watched hopelessly as Zack continued to do circuits of the room, pepped up on an insane amount of sugar.

"I thought kids liked sweets. Besides, gotta keep you lot quiet, yo. Need to find a way to change you all back."

Reno took stock of the situation. He had entered the SOLDIER floor, decoded the door access to Training Room 1, rolled an untested material into the room and turned all the First Class SOLDIERs into children.

Yep. He was fired. Or dead. Or, most likely, both. Unless he could find a way to change them back asap.

"Okay, all of you c'mere. And bring that materia." This last sentence was directed at Zack, who was throwing it around like a ball.

The SOLDIERs gathered in front of Reno. Sephiroth stood with his arms folded, looking bored. Reno had taken his sword away from him as soon as he tried to play with it. Angeal waited solemnly next to Genesis, who had recovered and was glaring at Sephiroth. Zack was still running in circles in the middle of the room.

"Damn it, Zack! C'mere!" Reno shouted at the little boy, who had spread his arms and was pretending to be a plane.

"I'll get him." Angeal went over to Zack and caught the little boy around his middle. Zack stopped and his face screwed up, about to cry.

"'Geeeeeal… I wanna play airplanes! Play with me?"

"Not right now, we gotta see what Reno wants. C'mon."

The two black haired boys made their way back to Reno, who scratched his head as he looked at them all thoughtfully.

"Annoying, but damn cute, the lot of ya." Reno estimated that they had lost about 15 or so years each. Sephiroth, Angeal and Genesis looked about 9-10 and Zack was about 3 or 4.

Genesis scowled at him. "So what now? Are you going to change us back? I don't like being little." He glared at Sephiroth as he said this last.

Reno pulled at his bottom lip with his teeth. "Well, y'see, about that-"

"He doesn't know what he did. Or how to undo it." Sephiroth smirked a little and shook his head.

"Hey, I'm on top of this, okay?" Reno narrowed his eyes at the silver-haired boy-General. "Where's the materia?"

Zack held it up in a small hand. "Here!" He piped in a squeaky voice.

Reno took it from him, smiling and almost forgetting what a pain in the ass grown-up Zack could be.

"Thanks, kid. Now, let's see." The Turk examined the materia closely. "Maybe if I just deactivate it…"

He held the material in one hand and concentrated on pulling its power back inside. Nothing happened. Reno swore loudly, and Angeal clapped his hands over Zack's ears, scowling at the red-haired man.

"Sorry kid. Just kinda running out of options here." A thought suddenly struck him and he pulled out his PHS, dialling a number. It rang briefly before it was answered.

"Cissnei here."

"Ciss! Thank Gaia you answered, yo. I need your help."

Cissnei sighed on the other end of the line. "What have you done now, Reno?"

"Can't say over the phone. Just come to Training Room 1, 'kay?"

"The SOLDIER training room? Oh Goddess, Reno, what HAVE you done?"

"Look – just head on over here! As quickly as you can, yo!"

"On my way." Cissnei sounded resigned.

000

A little while later, Reno peeked out of the training room doors and let Cissnei in.

"What took you so long, yo?"

"Hey, I didn't take long at all, thank you very much. Besides, I had to avoid a fair amount of SOLDIERs on the way here-" She stopped speaking abruptly as she realised who else was in the room.

"Reno…"

"Look, it was meant to be a joke, aiight? I didn't realise all the Firsts would be in here with him…"

Cissnei began laughing. Zack, encouraged by the happy sound, toddled over to her and waved. "Aww! Hey there, cutie." She knelt down to his level and waved back. The other SOLDIERs made their way over as she stood back up.

"Can you change us back?" Genesis appealed to her, eyes wide. Cissnei looked in astonishment at the Firsts as children. Genesis had a mop of brown-red hair with big blue eyes, and clutched a book to his chest. She recognised it as Loveless. Sephiroth had much shorter silver hair and a permanently bored expression. _Living and growing up in lab with nothing to do but training will do that to you I guess,_ Cissnei thought. He was slightly taller and bigger than the other boys for his age, but his eyes were less green than those of his adult self. Angeal was a quiet and stocky boy, who gave off an air of dependability. His hair was shorter, but he looked much as he did as an adult, save for the beard. Zack, naturally, was a hyperactive, adorable bundle of energy, with an unruly head of black hair and bright blue eyes, and was all but bouncing off the ceiling with excitement at the new arrival in the room.

"Ciss! Up!" He bounced up and down in front of Cissnei with his arms in the air, wanting to be picked up.

"You should probably pick him up. He might start crying." Angeal addressed her gravely.

"Okay, kiddo. Hup!" Cissnei bent down and picked the small child up. Zack's arms went around her neck and he snuggled into her.

"Ain't they cute? But seriously, you gotta help me find a way to change them back!" Reno was almost desperate now.

Cissnei laughed again. "How did you change them in the first place?" Reno handed her the orange materia, which was slowly losing its glow. Cissnei took it from him with her free hand and examined it.

"Reno! You idiot! This is the untested materia we picked up last week! It could have been anything!"

"Hey, I know materia, yo! It just looked like a small summon or a spell or something, I dunno…"

"Instead it's some sort of transform materia. This is why we have materia labs, idiot."

"Look, what do we do? I can't go to Tseng or anyone higher up, I'm on a tightrope as it is, yo."

"Chill out, they'll change back."

"Oh yeah? How d'ya know that? Who friggin' died and made you the materia expert?"

Cissnei grinned. "Maybe if you read your reports for once, you'd recognise the description from a similar incident which occurred recently."

"Huh?"

"An orange materia found turned out to be a transform materia, despite evidence to the contrary. It worked as a self-sustaining spell, which ran out when the glow left the orb." She held up the globe, which was getting darker rapidly. "Maybe if you had used your brains for once, you'd have figured that out for yourself."

Reno breathed a sigh of relief. "So they ain't gonna stay like this? Fan-fucking-tastic."

"Hmmm." Cissnei put Zack back down. "What you're not taking into account is what the Firsts will do to you when they turn back, which is due to happen in-" she checked the materia, "oooh, about 10 seconds…"

Reno paled.

At that moment, the globe lost its glow and the light filled the room once more. The Firsts and Zack were returned to their proper ages and they all stretched, sighing in relief.

"Goddess, that feels better." Genesis was thankful, until he spotted the red-haired Turk trying to sneak out of the room. Zack spotted him at the same time.

"Hey! RENO! Man, what the hell was that even for?" Zack jammed his hands on his hips.

"Who cares, Puppy? Get him!" Genesis snarled and grabbed his sword. He ran out of the room after the Turk, who'd run off as fast as he could the moment the First's hand had touched his weapon. Zack sprinted after him.

Angeal groaned and set off in pursuit of the two chief causes of his trouble, to prevent any serious incidents. He nodded to Cissnei on his way out. She nodded back and turned to the room's sole remaining occupant.

"Are you alright, General?" Slightly intimidated by the silver-haired man, who now towered over her, she tried to make conversation.

"Quite alright. Thank you, Cissnei. Will you be filing a report on this?"

"Uh, I wasn't intending to…"

"Of course not. Turk solidarity."

"I can't, of course, prevent you from filing one of your own, sir."

"Indeed. Although, for the second incident in as many months in which Shinra's finest were caught off guard and transformed to be made known to Shinra's higher ups... perhaps filing a report would be unwise."

Cissnei smiled. "Sounds like a good decision to me, General."

They left the room, nodded to each other and parted ways. Cissnei pocketed the materia as she left.

000

Later that evening, Zack finally sat down at his laptop to write his report. He was feeling uncharacteristically disgruntled, as Reno had somehow managed to evade both himself and Genesis. _Damn sneaky Turk. I was only trying to do him a favour too; he'd have thanked me when he hadn't DIED of lung disease…_ His thoughts trailed off as he noticed something on the side of his desk. A small box sat on the surface with a note attached to the top. Warily, he took the note from it. It read:

"It seemed only fair to level the odds a little. He'll be in the Turks' training room, ALONE, tomorrow at 2pm."

Zack, confused, picked up the box and opened it. An orange coloured materia lay nestled within cotton wool in the box…

Zack grinned.


End file.
